Episode 0030 | Marriage Changes Everything
Marriage Does Change Everything—Here's How to Make Sure It's for the Better
You ever heard someone say, "Marriage changes everything" like it was a warning label instead of a milestone?
Sometimes it sounds like shade. Other times, it's shared with a look of regret. But if you're someone who's either newly married, engaged, or even quietly wondering what marriage will do to your current relationship, I want you to lean in today.
W'e’re here to help you understand the changes that come with marriage — not just emotionally or physically, but spiritually and practically too. And more importantly, how to engage marriage with intention so that it transforms your relationship for the better.
Why It Feels So Different After "I Do"
If you cohabitated before marriage, you might think nothing will really change. You've done the chores. Shared bills. Even navigated conflict. But once you get married, things can suddenly feel off. Like someone changed the settings without telling you.
And they did. Spiritually.
"This is a spiritual ordination that takes place. And when those things take place, things in the spiritual realm change as well."
That shift isn't visible, but it's very real. You're no longer two individuals playing house. You're a covenant. A reflection of Christ and the Church. That weight alone comes with spiritual attention — and often, opposition.
This explains why some couples who seemed solid before marriage end up divorced within the first year. Something did change. But it wasn’t the contract. It was the shift from casual compatibility to covenant accountability.
The Comparison Trap
One of the most common changes couples feel is disappointment.
"You're comparing your husband or wife to the pre-married version... when it shouldn't have been happening in the first place."
Pre-marriage, everything felt fun. Fresh. Full of possibility. Especially if y'all were having sex, traveling, or "playing house" ahead of time.
Once married, those same experiences may now feel mundane. Or worse, missing. Especially if kids, work stress, or financial pressure enter the chat.
But here's the catch: You're not actually disappointed in your spouse. You're disappointed that the season changed.
"Every season doesn't require the same thing."
You’re growing. They’re growing. What worked during dating won't necessarily serve you in this new covenant. But it doesn't mean something's broken. It just means it's time to re-learn each other.
Intimacy Looks Different — But It Can Still Be Good
Let’s talk about the one everyone tiptoes around: sex.
Yes, sex can change after marriage. And that’s not always because of disinterest or rejection. Often, it’s life.
"I'm tired. I worked a double. We got kids. I had to go get the car fixed... It's not that I don't love you. It's just life."
Unlike the pre-marriage version of your relationship, intimacy now competes with everything. Work, bills, daycare pickups, your own internal stress.
That doesn’t mean passion is dead. It just means it may need to be scheduled.
And before you roll your eyes at that—intentionality isn’t unsexy. It’s sacred.
"We schedule everything else with our spouses. What's wrong with scheduling sex?"
If it matters to you, protect it with your calendar. Protect it with creativity. Protect it with communication.
Make Marriage Work On Purpose
There is a phrase that came up again and again in this conversation: intentionality.
If you want marriage to change everything for the better, that’s your golden key.
"Marriage is when you're doing your relationship on purpose with some actual care."
That means:
Being honest about what you need.
Showing up even when you’re tired.
Checking in regularly.
Noticing and celebrating what’s working.
Talking through what isn't.
A powerful example shared was the weekly check-in. Just 30 minutes a week, using this format:
K.F.C.D.O. Check-In
(Kudos, Finances, Chores, Dates, Opportunities for growth)
Kudos: What did you appreciate about your spouse this week?
Finances: Are we staying on budget? Anything coming up?
Chores: Who's doing what this week?
Dates: When can we enjoy each other?
Opportunities for Growth: What could we do better?
"You want to be seen for all your efforts in the marriage. So this gives you the opportunity to watch your spouse."
Don’t underestimate how stabilizing this can be. When communication improves, everything else — including your intimacy — gets stronger.
Questions to Reflect & Discuss:
Are there ways I’m still holding onto my dating expectations?
Have we allowed life stress to steal our connection?
What does intentional intimacy look like in this season?
Are we still dating each other on purpose?
Do we need a communication reset or weekly check-in?
Final Encouragement
Marriage will change your relationship. But it doesn’t have to change it for the worse.
When you stop coasting and start engaging on purpose, everything from communication to intimacy can deepen. Not because you lucked out with a perfect partner, but because you showed up with intentionality, humility, and care.
So whether you’re just starting your marriage or navigating a hard chapter, start fresh today. Schedule your first check-in. Ask the deeper question. Be real about what you need.
You don’t need perfection. You need participation.
Share this with someone you know who's married or engaged. They need the reminder just like you did.
