Episode 0029 | Care Over Convenience

You ever had that moment where you stop mid-conversation and realize: I’m always the one showing up? Maybe it’s a friend who never checks in, a relative who only calls when they need something, or a co-worker you thought was a friend until they changed jobs and vanished. That slow ache of feeling unseen or unvalued—it’s not just in your head. It’s a relational red flag.

Well, we want to invite you to something deeper: relational intentionality. This is about learning to show up well—not perfectly, but with heart. It’s also about placing people where they belong in your life, without guilt, while still honoring the call to love like Christ. Let’s get into it.

Recognizing the Buckets We Place People In

Not every relationship is created equal. And that’s okay.

Whether we admit it or not, we’re constantly categorizing people: best friends, work buddies, church associates, old college crew, and those "talk to them once a year" contacts. The problem? We often confuse quantity of years with quality of friendship. I’ve had people in my life for over a decade who never made it into the inner circle—and others I met last year who are now part of my vortex, my trusted few.

You get to choose who has access to your emotional energy. You don’t owe everyone your heart, but you do owe them your love; there’s a difference. That’s not unkind—that’s wisdom. Scripture reminds us to guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23), and that includes knowing who to let in and how far.

"Quantity of years doesn’t mean quality of friendship."

It’s Okay to Expect Something Real

Let’s set this straight right now: you are allowed to have expectations.

Somewhere along the way, many of us adopted this people-pleasing mantra: "I’m a low-maintenance friend." We say it like it’s a badge of honor. But what we often mean is, "I’ll take crumbs. I don’t want to be a burden." That’s not humility—that’s self-erasure.

"Let’s not confuse low effort with no effort."

Being intentional doesn’t mean being needy. It means being clear. You can’t expect someone to meet a need you’ve never voiced. Likewise, you shouldn’t feel bad for wanting reciprocal love, emotional presence, or simple follow-through.

Ask yourself: Are you letting people give you the bare minimum because you’re afraid they’ll leave if you ask for more?

"It’s okay to expect people to show up for you."

Show Up Even When It’s Inconvenient

Relationships take energy. And that means sometimes we have to show up even when it costs us something.

I’m not talking about toxic self-abandonment. I’m talking about those moments when your friend is calling and you’d rather zone out on the couch—but you pick up because you care. When you haven’t heard from someone in months, and instead of being petty with "phone works both ways," you send the text anyway.

"I really don't wanna talk on the phone but they calling me... Let me pick up the phone and talk because I value my connection with them."

This is the quiet muscle of maturity. Choosing connection over convenience. And when both people do it, something beautiful happens: you build safety.

Emotional Intelligence Is Kingdom Work

We talk a lot about emotional intelligence in the world—but what if we framed it as relational discipleship? Being emotionally aware isn’t just self-help; it’s Christlike.

Romans 12:10 tells us to "be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." This isn’t about being a doormat. It’s about choosing grace over ego. It’s saying, I see you. I notice the shift. I care enough to check in.

If they respond, great. If not, you can still rest in knowing you acted with integrity. Love, when it’s healthy, doesn’t demand—it offers.

Not Everyone Deserves Full Access

Let’s be real: you don’t have unlimited emotional bandwidth. And just because someone wants to be close doesn’t mean they should be.

Some people are seasonal. Some are situational. And some are just not healthy for where you’re going. That doesn’t make them villains. But it does mean you get to decide where they go in your life.

"You have the ability to take inventory of the people in your lives and determine if access should be granted or denied."

Don’t feel guilty for moving someone out of the inner circle. You can still be kind. Still love them from afar. Still wish them well. But access is earned, not owed.

Here’s the truth: you’re not asking for too much. You’re just asking the wrong people.

So, —check in with your heart today. Who's in your vortex? Who's been draining you dry? Who do you need to simply say, "I miss you. How are you?" to?

Intentionality is a choice. A muscle. And a mirror.

If you love them, show them.

And if you want more faith-rooted guidance on building stronger, more purposeful relationships, subscribe to our YouTube channel for more.