Episode 0028 | Navigating Low-Maintenance Relationships: Why "No Pressure" Shouldn't Mean "No Effort"
After a decade of marriage and doing life with each other, we’ve come to realize one truth that keeps bubbling to the surface: good relationships don't maintain themselves. Whether it’s marriage, friendships, or even our walk with God, intentionality matters. And lately, we've been hearing a term more and more—"low-maintenance relationships."
It sounds harmless enough. But in practice? It’s often used as a cover for inconsistency, neglect, and emotional laziness.
So today, we're diving into what "low-maintenance" really means, why it's become a relational trap, and how we can reclaim depth and care in our connections without expecting perfection.
What Does "Low-Maintenance" Really Mean?
At its core, "low-maintenance" was probably meant to describe relationships that are easygoing and drama-free. No pressure, no daily check-ins, no meltdown if we go a few days without texting. In theory, it should describe emotionally secure and trusting relationships.
But let’s be honest.
“People want friends. They don’t want friendship”
Too often, "low-maintenance" becomes a polite way of saying:
I don’t want to be an inconvenienced.
I don’t want to be responsible for showing up for you.
I want the perks of the relationship without the investment.
The Myth of the Mind Reader
One of the biggest relational downfalls? Expecting people to know what you need without you ever saying it.
Whether it’s a spouse not complimenting your hair or a friend not checking in after a hard week, unmet expectations create distance. But were those expectations ever communicated?
Dr. Dharius Daniels sums it up best: "Clear. Concise. Contextual."
You have the right to express what you need. And others have the right to say whether or not they can meet that need.
“It’s unfair to expect someone to know what’s going on in your mind.”
That’s real maturity.
As James 4:2-3 reminds us (paraphrasing), "You do not have because you do not ask God." The same goes for our relationships. Silence breeds assumptions. Assumptions breed resentment.
Is It Really "Low-Maintenance" Or Is It Neglect?
We used to call ourselves "low-maintenance friends" because we didn’t want to be a burden. We didn’t want to be the friend who required effort.
But then we realized: we were settling for crumbs. And not because we didn’t need more—but because we were afraid to ask for it.
“Just because they’ve been around doesn’t mean it’s quality.”
Low-maintenance does not mean:
You’re okay with being forgotten.
You never need emotional support.
You have no expectations.
Jesus didn’t call us to be emotionally detached. He called us to love deeply, serve one another (Galatians 5:13), and carry each other's burdens (Galatians 6:2).
Intentionality is love in action.
Friendships Aren't One-Sided
We see this play out in friendships often. One friend consistently makes the plans, checks in, prays, or offers help. The other? Silent until they need something.
When that imbalance shows up, you have the right to pause and ask: why am I still here? What do I believe about my worth that keeps me clinging to one-sided bonds?
It's okay to acknowledge when a friendship has run its course. Even Jesus let the rich young ruler walk away (Mark 10:21-22). Sometimes, honoring your own value means knowing when to stop chasing connection.
Your Needs Are Valid
You are not high-maintenance for wanting effort. You are not dramatic for wanting consistency. A real friend, a real partner, should want to know how to show up for you. And if they don’t? That’s your clue. Communicating your needs invites people into deeper relationship. Not everyone will rise to the occasion. But the ones who do? Worth their weight in gold.
Biblical Friendship: David and Jonathan
Scripture gives us a powerful example of friendship in David and Jonathan. In 1 Samuel 20, Jonathan speaks plainly to David about what he needs from him.
He doesn’t beat around the bush. He doesn’t sugarcoat it. He just says, "Here’s what I need." And David honors that.
True biblical friendships involve:
Honesty (Proverbs 27:6)
Loyalty (Proverbs 17:17)
Sacrifice (John 15:13)
You deserve friendships rooted in these values. Period.
Access Is Earned, Not Assumed
Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they should have unlimited access to you. We’ve learned to place people where they belong: some can come inside the house, but not to the bedroom. Some get the porch. And that’s okay.
“My love for you does not mean you have the same access as others in my life.”
Don’t confuse love with unlimited availability. Even Jesus had boundaries. He loved the crowds but retreated often (Luke 5:16). He had 12 disciples, but three in His inner circle. That’s wisdom.
Takeaway List: Reclaiming Healthy, Intentional Relationships
Clarify what you need. Silent suffering helps no one.
Stop settling for convenience-friends. Time doesn't equal quality.
Use your voice. Teach people how to love you well.
Respect your own capacity. It's okay to say no.
Reassess access. Not everyone deserves full entry.
Let’s Talk
How do you determine when it’s time to walk away?
What’s one way you can love your people better this week?
Final Thoughts: You Can Start Today
If you're realizing you haven’t been showing up the way you want to, that’s okay. You can begin again.
Text that friend. Call your spouse. Pray for discernment.
Start putting marbles back in the marble jar. Bit by bit.
Because at the end of the day, intentional relationships reflect the heart of God. And we’re all better when we choose depth over default.
If this resonated with you, make sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel where we unpack more truths about relationships, growth, and real-life faith.
